Untitled as of now

I've mentioned before that sometimes I write poems.... this last week i've been working on one, it's not finished yet but I figured I would post what I have. currently this one does not have a title....

In the calm of the quite
Taking sips of your breath
Across a November sunset sky
Spirit of truth
Would you speak through lies


My heart’s tender agony of parting
After all this has passed

I still will remain
Joy of a promise sustains
I will cry my last
You will trade beauty for pain

On your morning expression
Refining beauty falls down
Never running dry
Fountain of life wash away anguish
Restore innocence deprivation

Joy of a promise sustains
I will cry my last
You will trade beauty for pain

By,

amanda collins

DUCK... DUCK... DUCK.....

So weird thing about me... i like ducks.... I don't really know why but they just make me smile :) I have a strange collection of Rubber Ducks and I like real ducks too. So where is this blog exactly going? well lastnight I was walking to class, and I decided to take that time and just chill with Jesus, and tell Him about my day and listen to what he has for me. I was about two minutes away from my class and was passing a patch of grass that is by a parking lot. The patch of grass was full of ducks, and it made me smile. Then I rememberd that one of the coolest sounds ever is the sound of a Ducks foot on pavement... I don't even know how to describe it (i know as an English major I should, but you'll just have to take my word for it.... it sounds cool) kind of like little rubber suction cups that never get to stick...... anway way back to my point. As I was aproaching the patch of grass, I rememberd that sound and thought oh it would be cool if I duck would cross the parking lot right now so I could hear that.... but i'm probably too close for them to even come over this way...... and kept walking... just then, THREE ducks started walking and waddled across the sidewalk and hopped down to the parking lot and waddled across. I giggled because I totally knew that Jesus had them cross the way for me, and it was him loving on me! Jesus is soo cool!!! He loves me and makes Ducks cross the street to show me how attentive he is to our wants and desires!

Sweetly Broken

Earlier I mentioned the holy 2x4 that the Lord hit me with while my Brazilian Mom was here. Part of that was he gave her a vision about how my walk with the Lord has been ever sense I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior 6 ½ years ago. It was hard to swallow and to hear that I had not fully submitted all of me to him, and that I needed my life to truly be sanctified more and more for him everyday. Honestly, I thought my life was sanctified…. Apparently not. I also need to soften my heart completely before the Lord and allow him reign completely over all that I am. Those things are good to hear, but at the same time the accountability factor comes in and I am required to do something about it… The day after I was hit with all that I was talking with the Lord about it and wrestling with it, and confessing that I desired to do all that he placed before me I just did not know how to go about it. While I was sitting in the calm of the quite, before him He gave me the most intimate vision and it’s what I remember everyday when I wake up and it is what I call on in times of my struggles. The Lord has placed on my heart to declare what He has shown me and to share it:

With the fire behind me, and the river before me, running strong, crystal clear water with pure white rapids. I enter into the water one step at a time with old tattered clothes from my past, my body covered in scares and wounds from battles he’s lead me through. I sit down and the water envelops me. As fast as the water is pulling I stay planted where I sat down. Jesus from the shore enters into the water and I am suddenly aware of all my dirtiness that He sees. All fear leaves me, as he loves me perfectly and wipes away my tears and touches every single wound and scar on my body with tears in his eyes and compassion seeping through his expression. Then he baptizes me in the pure water, and I am immersed completely in all that he is. My body is made new, every scar every cut is gone without a trace, as if it never existed before. When I am lifted back up out of the living water my clothes now consist of a beautiful white dress…. (The most beautiful wedding dress I have ever seen in my life…. ) I fall into my lover/ saviors arms and weep as tears fall from my praises and the fragrance is that of a sweet perfume. In that moment I know as I rest in His arms I am sweetly broken and in a holy surrender. I also am aware that I am loved completely by my God and that I am exactly what He is looking for and exactly what He has been desiring in a bride.

Transparency...

What is mind blowing is that when Jesus died on the cross He looked out and saw my face.... and when He saw my face he knew exactly what my life would be.... He could see the depths of my heart and in that moment He still loved me the same and still said, "father forgive her..." he advocated for me, even though I deserve a criminal's death he continues to extend grace and mercy everyday....so why is it when we struggle repeatedly with something we try to hide it, and act like everything is okay? Or maybe I should just own that... when I struggle with something I often try to conceal it from Jesus, as if he can't see through me already. I honestly believe I am not the only one that struggles with this... or rather shame consumes me to the point of not being able to approach my best friend......
Why don't I give Jesus the transparency of my heart that He deserves? What am I afraid of? Honestly, He does not need my self-righteous heart that attempts to conceal what I am thinking, feeling or struggling with.... He knows everything anyway! I am finding that when I consciously bare all before him, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugliest parts of my heart, he comes along side me, and whispers,.... it was for all this that He sacrificed His life for me. It is in these times with Him that I can see he delights in who I am and who he is making me to be. Jesus is amazing.... he brings me hope, peace, healing.... He gives me LIFE

Hit by a HOLY 2X4!!!

My Brasilian mom was here last week, and it was awesome to have her here! She's one of my best friends ever! My brother had to have surgery on his knee, so she came up to be with him. I love how Jesus knew we both needed to see eachother! I'm sorry for Tassio, that it took him having to tear his ACL to bring her here at this perfect time, but I take comfort in knowing the extreem's Jesus is willing to go to to provide us with what we need.... even when we don't know what we need... he's faithful to provide us with it! How great his is love!
She couldn't have come at a better time! While she was here Jesus spoke through to me, and the best way I can discribe it is... that He hit me up side the head a few times with a holy 2x4! It was painful and i'm still resteling with some of the things he told me.... but I love that He desires for me to grow and to be stretched!

Harmony Grace

I like writting poetry..... Here's a poem I wrote almost four years ago when I was up late one night in Brasil!

Harmony Grace

Tears fall from my praises
Like a sweet perfume
In the darkest hours
From sunset to sunrise

Your wounded scars from my war
Have paid the price
All the heavens see
I have recieved eternity

Joy flows through my brokenness
Like a harmony grace
In the hours of suffering
Through the deepest valley

With every step You'll never leave me

By,
amanda collins

Do You Know Him?

Do You know Jesus?
Some people seem to think I do (which is the highest compliment I have ever recieved).... I would like to be able to agree.... but I know that I know nothing compared to his majesty.... I am greatful for what He has revealed to me about who he is......

*HE IS.........
the key to knowledge.....
the loftiest idea in literature.....
Unstopable....
Irrisistable...
Enduringly strong....
My advocate....
My sustainer...
The Prince of peace.....
The King of Kings....
The living God....
The one who hung out with prostitutes....
My saving Grace....
Love....
Ancient of days...
The Alpha and Omega....
Begining and End....
My Savior....
The one hell could never hold...
Righteous Son...
Faithful One...
Soon and coming King...
Living Hope...The one who Rose...
Destroyer of the Enemy...
Accepting....
The one who knows me....
The reason why I sing...
The holy Lamb....
The Great I am....
The molder of my heart....
The one I dance before...
Understanding....
Emanuel (God with me)....
Peace....
Messiah.....
The living promise....
Joy.....
Streangth in weakness.....
Redeemer.....
The star of the Morning....
The one who shed His blood for me....
Healer.....
Never able to break a promise...
Justice....
Merciful....
Extending Grace....
Forgiving....
Finder of the lost.....
The one who will never leave me....
The perfect parent.....
The one who has ingraved me in the palm of His hands.....
My best friend....
Making me new....
The one who will never forsake me.....
All knowing.....
The one who bekons me to fall gently to my knees...
The one who I surrender too....
My purpose....
Intimate with the deepest part of my soul.....
My daily bread.....
Living water.....
The one I'm sweetly broken before....
My value.....
The one the grave couldn't hold...
The one death couldn't handle....
My breath of life.....
The truth that speaks to me....
The one who impowers me.....
The one who has plans to prosper me....
The one who trades my ashes for beauty.....
Victorious....
Always there....
All Mighty....
Most Holy....
The one who holds me....
The one who cries with me....
Glorious....
My God....

I can't out live Him
I can't live without HIM....

Do you know HIM?